RAVANA
Bhavathi bikshaam dehi.
SEETHA
Thogolli Swami.
RAVANA
Border line daati Baaramma Seetha.
(she came out for giving the biksha)
RAVANA
Ha Ha Ha..Naanu ninna Swami alla, naanu Ravana..
SEETHA
Ha Ha Ha...Nanu Seetha alla...avara mane kelsadavalu...Muniyamma
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Types of drivers in Bangalore
(From an email forward!!)
Truck Drivers: You usually don't get to see them directly because they sit
somewhere at an altitude. You can however identify the cabin crew by a
frantically waving hand on the non-driver side. This hand belongs to a
crew-member called 'cleaner' and all scholastic efforts till date have
failed to decipher the symbolic meaning of these waving. It is however Safe
to assume that these waving mean 'stay away'. Fortunately the trucks are
prohibited from the arterial roads. But you can see them racing each other
at 30 kmph and 31 kmph on the ring road. They successfully block the whole
width of the road. It is advised that you take them over from left (yes, the
wrong side) for, they wont let you pass from the right side anyway. The
other advice is to keep away from them.
BMTC Drivers: You can see them from a mile away from the distinguishing
color and driving. It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow a BMTC
bus. The bus follows Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and at any instance
you can not predict the speed AND the position correctly. One observation
that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops
and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity
for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers
can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you
happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to
advice (varies from motherly, fatherly to ultra indecent) for having taken
them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a
road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses (called
janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a
time at a junction.
Cab Drivers: Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial
hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at
80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has
less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of
them are trying to compete with David Blain for stretching human limits. The
author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They just
keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use public
bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto
rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image of
an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any
two objects.
Car Drivers: Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through
their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their cars
and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on
the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable
class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes
of drivers.
Auto Rickshaw Drivers: Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for
rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers.
(Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly
driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse
speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no
passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x108 m/s when a passenger is
aboard. Analogous to the belief that "a cat can pass through any hole that
is bigger than its skull" auto rickshaws can "pass through any gap that is
wider than the headlight". They defy all laws of Physics. A typical auto
drive sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just
before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan.
He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada. In
a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter
reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara. This is their
humble way of commemorating their favorite star who made films like
Auto-Raja.
Two Wheeler Drives: The class in the most advantageous position. They
consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen, mothers
dropping children to school, college students, neighborhood store owner
transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children
going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not
cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space
on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases
etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization
Truck Drivers: You usually don't get to see them directly because they sit
somewhere at an altitude. You can however identify the cabin crew by a
frantically waving hand on the non-driver side. This hand belongs to a
crew-member called 'cleaner' and all scholastic efforts till date have
failed to decipher the symbolic meaning of these waving. It is however Safe
to assume that these waving mean 'stay away'. Fortunately the trucks are
prohibited from the arterial roads. But you can see them racing each other
at 30 kmph and 31 kmph on the ring road. They successfully block the whole
width of the road. It is advised that you take them over from left (yes, the
wrong side) for, they wont let you pass from the right side anyway. The
other advice is to keep away from them.
BMTC Drivers: You can see them from a mile away from the distinguishing
color and driving. It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow a BMTC
bus. The bus follows Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and at any instance
you can not predict the speed AND the position correctly. One observation
that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops
and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity
for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers
can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you
happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to
advice (varies from motherly, fatherly to ultra indecent) for having taken
them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a
road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses (called
janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a
time at a junction.
Cab Drivers: Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial
hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at
80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has
less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of
them are trying to compete with David Blain for stretching human limits. The
author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They just
keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use public
bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto
rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image of
an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any
two objects.
Car Drivers: Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through
their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their cars
and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on
the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable
class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes
of drivers.
Auto Rickshaw Drivers: Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for
rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers.
(Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly
driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse
speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no
passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x108 m/s when a passenger is
aboard. Analogous to the belief that "a cat can pass through any hole that
is bigger than its skull" auto rickshaws can "pass through any gap that is
wider than the headlight". They defy all laws of Physics. A typical auto
drive sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just
before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan.
He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada. In
a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter
reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara. This is their
humble way of commemorating their favorite star who made films like
Auto-Raja.
Two Wheeler Drives: The class in the most advantageous position. They
consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen, mothers
dropping children to school, college students, neighborhood store owner
transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children
going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not
cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space
on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases
etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The BBC Goof-up
The BBC goofed up and interviewed a person X instead of a person Y on Air !!!
A person named Guy Kewney was to be interviewed about the story BBC is doing on the Apple v/s Beatles.However, the BBC ended up interviewing another guy Guy Goma who had come for a job interview at the BBC !
It all started when the producer of the show goes to the wrong reception room and asks for "Guy".Guess who raises the hands?
Guy Goma, a guy from Congo, who had come in for a job interview.This man shared the same first name "Guy" and he had come for a job interview at BBC.He's a Business Studies graduate, from the Congo, and he was there in reception because he was applying for a high level IT job with the BBC.
And what goes on simply hilarious. This is the transcript :-
Karen Bowerman: Guy Kewney is editor of the technology website Newswireless.
KB: Hello, good morning to you.
Mr Goma: Good morning.
KB: Were you surprised by this verdict today.
The best part
Mr Goma: I am very surprised to see... this verdict to come on me because I was not expecting that. When I came they told me somehting else and I am coming. So a big surprise anyway.
KB: A big surprise, yeah, yes.
Mr Goma: Exactly.
KB: With regards to the costs involved do you think now more people will be downloading online?
my favorite part
Mr Goma: Actually If you can walk everywhere you are going to see a lot of people downloading the internet and the website and everything they want. But I think eh It is much better for development and eh to inform people what they want and to get the easy way and so faster if they are looking for.
KB: It does really seem the way the music industry's progressing now that people want to go onto the website and download music.
Mr Goma: Exactly you can go everywhere on the cyber cafe and you can take, you can go easy. It is going to be an easy way for everyone to get something to the internet
KB: Thank you. Thanks very much indeed.
Apparently the unflappable Mr Goma assumed the whole thing was some kind of initiation prank (stress interview)
His own speciality is data cleansing, and was "a little upset that nobody asked him about his data cleansing expertise."
You can check the video here
And the bbc link
A person named Guy Kewney was to be interviewed about the story BBC is doing on the Apple v/s Beatles.However, the BBC ended up interviewing another guy Guy Goma who had come for a job interview at the BBC !
It all started when the producer of the show goes to the wrong reception room and asks for "Guy".Guess who raises the hands?
Guy Goma, a guy from Congo, who had come in for a job interview.This man shared the same first name "Guy" and he had come for a job interview at BBC.He's a Business Studies graduate, from the Congo, and he was there in reception because he was applying for a high level IT job with the BBC.
And what goes on simply hilarious. This is the transcript :-
Karen Bowerman: Guy Kewney is editor of the technology website Newswireless.
KB: Hello, good morning to you.
Mr Goma: Good morning.
KB: Were you surprised by this verdict today.
The best part
Mr Goma: I am very surprised to see... this verdict to come on me because I was not expecting that. When I came they told me somehting else and I am coming. So a big surprise anyway.
KB: A big surprise, yeah, yes.
Mr Goma: Exactly.
KB: With regards to the costs involved do you think now more people will be downloading online?
my favorite part
Mr Goma: Actually If you can walk everywhere you are going to see a lot of people downloading the internet and the website and everything they want. But I think eh It is much better for development and eh to inform people what they want and to get the easy way and so faster if they are looking for.
KB: It does really seem the way the music industry's progressing now that people want to go onto the website and download music.
Mr Goma: Exactly you can go everywhere on the cyber cafe and you can take, you can go easy. It is going to be an easy way for everyone to get something to the internet
KB: Thank you. Thanks very much indeed.
Apparently the unflappable Mr Goma assumed the whole thing was some kind of initiation prank (stress interview)
His own speciality is data cleansing, and was "a little upset that nobody asked him about his data cleansing expertise."
You can check the video here
And the bbc link
Monday, October 04, 2004
Dave Barry's quote on astronomers-Hillarious
Over the years I have been harshly critical of the scientific community for wasting time researching things nobody cares about, such as the universe. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of reading newspaper stories like this:
''Using a giant telescope, astronomers at the prestigious Crudwinkle Observatory have observed a teensy light smudge that they say is a humongous galaxy cluster 17 jillion light years away, which would make it the farthest-away thing that astronomers have discovered this week. However, astronomers at the rival Fendleman Observatory charged that what the Crudwinkle scientists discovered is actually mayonnaise on the lens. Both groups of astronomers say they plan to use these new findings to obtain even larger telescopes.''
With all due respect to astronomers: We don't NEED to find any more stuff in the universe. We already have more stuff than we could ever use, right here in our garages. We need the scientific community to focus on a topic that is of far greater importance, yet remains a baffling mystery to humanity, or at least guys: sex.
Guys think about sex a LOT. You know the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware, where the guys in the boat have facial expressions of grim resolve as they approach a battle that will determine their fates, and the fate of the revolution? Those guys are thinking: ''Maybe there will be women in New Jersey.''
But despite several million years of thinking virtually nonstop about sex, guys have made very little progress toward answering such basic questions about human sexuality as: How can you obtain more of it? How much talking is required? What is the role of jewelry? How important is the size of a guy's, um, car?
For guys, these are uncharted waters. That's why I am so pleased by a recent Reuters article, sent to me by alert reader Jorge Gomez, concerning research being done by scientists at Stanford University into the sex life of fruit flies. This research is significant because fruit flies have many biological similarities to humans. For example, both species eat fruit. The list goes on and on.
According to this article, when a male fruit fly wants to have sex with a female fruit fly, he goes through a series of specific steps, the first one being to pound down approximately eight martinis.
No, wait, that's what a human guy would do if he were going to attempt to mate with a female who had six legs and 17,000 eyeballs, which trust me is not out of the question for some guys, and you know who you are. What male fruit flies do is engage in a courtship ritual, which according to the Reuters article includes ''tapping the female, extending and vibrating a wing and singing.'' (The article doesn't say what they sing, but I assume it's Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe, by the late Barry White).
The Stanford scientists found that these ritual mating actions are controlled by a sector of the fly's brain consisting of 60 cells -- about twice the number of brain cells required to cast a vote on American Idol. According to the article, when scientists mess up these cells, the male flies rush through the mating steps -- ''essentially try to do everything at once'' -- which causes the females to become turned off and develop little fly headaches.
This, of course, is exactly the mistake that male humans make: We're always trying to rush through the mating steps. Stand next to any construction site, and when an attractive woman walks past, you'll hear guy construction workers suggesting that she go directly to, like, Step 74. This approach NEVER works. Construction workers have been trying it since they built the pyramids, and not once in all that time has a woman ever said: ''That's a great idea! Let's have carnal relations right now on this pile of dirt!''
And yet guys keep trying. Why? Because we're dumber than fruit flies. Fruit flies at least have some clue what their mating ritual is supposed to consist of, whereas human guys get most of their information from letters written by imaginary people to Penthouse magazine.
That's why we need scientists to determine exactly what steps are required for successful human mating. And I don't mean some vague psychobabble about ''listening'' or being ''sensitive.'' I mean specific written instructions that we guys can understand, like ''caress the target region in a clockwise pattern, applying 1.8 foot-pounds of torque.'' Wouldn't that be great?
No, because we guys don't read directions. So I guess we're stuck with blundering around, learning what ''turns women on'' through trial and error.
Tonight, I will vibrate my wings.
''Using a giant telescope, astronomers at the prestigious Crudwinkle Observatory have observed a teensy light smudge that they say is a humongous galaxy cluster 17 jillion light years away, which would make it the farthest-away thing that astronomers have discovered this week. However, astronomers at the rival Fendleman Observatory charged that what the Crudwinkle scientists discovered is actually mayonnaise on the lens. Both groups of astronomers say they plan to use these new findings to obtain even larger telescopes.''
With all due respect to astronomers: We don't NEED to find any more stuff in the universe. We already have more stuff than we could ever use, right here in our garages. We need the scientific community to focus on a topic that is of far greater importance, yet remains a baffling mystery to humanity, or at least guys: sex.
Guys think about sex a LOT. You know the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware, where the guys in the boat have facial expressions of grim resolve as they approach a battle that will determine their fates, and the fate of the revolution? Those guys are thinking: ''Maybe there will be women in New Jersey.''
But despite several million years of thinking virtually nonstop about sex, guys have made very little progress toward answering such basic questions about human sexuality as: How can you obtain more of it? How much talking is required? What is the role of jewelry? How important is the size of a guy's, um, car?
For guys, these are uncharted waters. That's why I am so pleased by a recent Reuters article, sent to me by alert reader Jorge Gomez, concerning research being done by scientists at Stanford University into the sex life of fruit flies. This research is significant because fruit flies have many biological similarities to humans. For example, both species eat fruit. The list goes on and on.
According to this article, when a male fruit fly wants to have sex with a female fruit fly, he goes through a series of specific steps, the first one being to pound down approximately eight martinis.
No, wait, that's what a human guy would do if he were going to attempt to mate with a female who had six legs and 17,000 eyeballs, which trust me is not out of the question for some guys, and you know who you are. What male fruit flies do is engage in a courtship ritual, which according to the Reuters article includes ''tapping the female, extending and vibrating a wing and singing.'' (The article doesn't say what they sing, but I assume it's Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe, by the late Barry White).
The Stanford scientists found that these ritual mating actions are controlled by a sector of the fly's brain consisting of 60 cells -- about twice the number of brain cells required to cast a vote on American Idol. According to the article, when scientists mess up these cells, the male flies rush through the mating steps -- ''essentially try to do everything at once'' -- which causes the females to become turned off and develop little fly headaches.
This, of course, is exactly the mistake that male humans make: We're always trying to rush through the mating steps. Stand next to any construction site, and when an attractive woman walks past, you'll hear guy construction workers suggesting that she go directly to, like, Step 74. This approach NEVER works. Construction workers have been trying it since they built the pyramids, and not once in all that time has a woman ever said: ''That's a great idea! Let's have carnal relations right now on this pile of dirt!''
And yet guys keep trying. Why? Because we're dumber than fruit flies. Fruit flies at least have some clue what their mating ritual is supposed to consist of, whereas human guys get most of their information from letters written by imaginary people to Penthouse magazine.
That's why we need scientists to determine exactly what steps are required for successful human mating. And I don't mean some vague psychobabble about ''listening'' or being ''sensitive.'' I mean specific written instructions that we guys can understand, like ''caress the target region in a clockwise pattern, applying 1.8 foot-pounds of torque.'' Wouldn't that be great?
No, because we guys don't read directions. So I guess we're stuck with blundering around, learning what ''turns women on'' through trial and error.
Tonight, I will vibrate my wings.
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