Sunday, January 07, 2007

Types of drivers in Bangalore

(From an email forward!!)

Truck Drivers: You usually don't get to see them directly because they sit
somewhere at an altitude. You can however identify the cabin crew by a
frantically waving hand on the non-driver side. This hand belongs to a
crew-member called 'cleaner' and all scholastic efforts till date have
failed to decipher the symbolic meaning of these waving. It is however Safe
to assume that these waving mean 'stay away'. Fortunately the trucks are
prohibited from the arterial roads. But you can see them racing each other
at 30 kmph and 31 kmph on the ring road. They successfully block the whole
width of the road. It is advised that you take them over from left (yes, the
wrong side) for, they wont let you pass from the right side anyway. The
other advice is to keep away from them.

BMTC Drivers: You can see them from a mile away from the distinguishing
color and driving. It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow a BMTC
bus. The bus follows Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and at any instance
you can not predict the speed AND the position correctly. One observation
that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops
and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity
for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers
can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you
happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to
advice (varies from motherly, fatherly to ultra indecent) for having taken
them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a
road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses (called
janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a
time at a junction.

Cab Drivers: Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial
hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at
80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has
less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of
them are trying to compete with David Blain for stretching human limits. The
author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They just
keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use public
bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto
rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image of
an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any
two objects.

Car Drivers: Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through
their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their cars
and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on
the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable
class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes
of drivers.

Auto Rickshaw Drivers: Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for
rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers.
(Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly
driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse
speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no
passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x108 m/s when a passenger is
aboard. Analogous to the belief that "a cat can pass through any hole that
is bigger than its skull" auto rickshaws can "pass through any gap that is
wider than the headlight". They defy all laws of Physics. A typical auto
drive sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just
before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan.
He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada. In
a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter
reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara. This is their
humble way of commemorating their favorite star who made films like
Auto-Raja.

Two Wheeler Drives: The class in the most advantageous position. They
consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen, mothers
dropping children to school, college students, neighborhood store owner
transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children
going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not
cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space
on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases
etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization

1 comment:

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